her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
