So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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