Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's like iHOP with fire
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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