She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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