You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
