I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
