I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
