If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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