Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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