Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
