I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
