theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
