I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
