I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
