i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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