you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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