fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
