I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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