i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
