Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
