yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
