Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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