dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
