I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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