I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
