hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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