a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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