you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
