best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize
