I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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