I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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