what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's blow job season.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
