It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you win again, gameday.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
