just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
