She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
