He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize