Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
