Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
