i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize