ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
try to milk me bitch
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