i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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