Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
