Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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