You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
