that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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