I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
send nudes
from the living room?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
