no, he came in my armpit
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
