I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Two words: nipple clamps
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