Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
