I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
