come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
