It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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