Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize