no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
