i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
