i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
