yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
