You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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