How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I look better un-naked...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
