4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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