Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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