I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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