shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
