a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
