I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
