even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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