Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
